UÇUŞ KORKUSU

The family-marriage relationship is an extraordinarily complex, constantly changing and evolving relationship. In the family-marriage relationship, how the spouses define and perceive their relationship is one of the basic dynamics of that relationship. The second basic dynamic in their relationship is the issue of whether the spouses live together because they want to live together or because they have to live together. The family-Marriage relationship is a dynamic relationship, constantly changing and constantly evolving.

When the voluntary and obligatory qualities of a marriage reach a balance, this Family-Marriage begins to go well and the spouses begin to get satisfaction from their relationship. No matter how much the spouses state that they stay married because they want each other, it is inevitable that there will be some obligatory features arising from tradition, tradition and legal facts in Family-Marriage. In short, if a Family-Marriage relationship has become a completely voluntary or completely compulsory relationship, it is inevitable that problems will arise in this relationship.

Power struggle and conflict are inevitable in every close relationship and Family-Marriage. Some couples openly and directly bring up Power wars and conflicts, while others try to deny or suppress it, or covertly show Power wars and conflicts. So, on which issues do couples experience power struggles and conflicts the most?

Expectations, needs, wants, money, sex, relatives..

Family-Marriage relationship can easily become a compulsory relationship in cases where marriage is founded on a compelling reason. For example, an arranged marriage. Marrying under the pressure of parents, etc. In Family-Marriages formed with such a structure, the man or woman had doubts about whether they got married because they loved each other or to please their parents. After a vicious circle starts between the couple in forced relationships, it is very difficult to stop this cycle. For example, if a woman starts to think that her husband is living with her because she has no other choice, even the loving positive behaviors of her husband may start to sink in this woman, or this woman may be indifferent to her husband's behavior or behave in an adverse way towards her husband.

Spouses who fall into such a vicious circle can neither truly be together nor give up on each other altogether. So they can neither fight constantly nor make love regularly. It is very difficult to determine what these couples really want when they apply for Family-Marriage treatment. They separate for a while, then merge again, separate again, and unite again. Thus, they fall into the relationship trap that they cannot get out of on their own.

Power struggle and conflict, although often seen as something negative, is a natural part of human behavior and can be used constructively or destructively. The ability to restructure relationships in a better way is the positive side of constructive power struggle and conflict. The negative part is destructive power warfare and conflict, which can include hostile communications and escalate power struggle and conflict, leading to the end of the relationship. Power struggle and conflict occur to different degrees in different couples. It ranges from about once a week power struggles and conflicts for couples whose relationships are not troubled to one or more power struggles and conflicts a day for troubled couples. Just as with friendships, the deeper the relationship, the greater the interdependence between partners, and the greater the potential for both gratification and power struggle and conflict.

Intense feelings of love in the early stages of the relationship indicate that individuals make a high level of emotional investment in the relationship, which increases the possibility of power struggle and conflict later on.

Partners tend to make more negative attributions about each other and to attribute negative behaviors to more internal and stable causes. They also tend to view their partner's negative behavior as 'general, malicious, selfishly motivated, and blameworthy'. In distressed couples, people tend to ignore their partner's positive behavior as they are due to temporary situational factors. However, in couples who are not distressed, these processes work in reverse; such that positive behaviors of a partner are seen as permanent and negative behaviors are seen as temporary. The most striking trait of unhappy couples is their inability to end negative interactions, especially in nonverbal communication. Conversely, happy couples may placate such a process or avoid initiating it altogether. When highly or moderately compatible partners communicate with each other, partners' assessments of communication are flexible. Couples with low level of Family-Marriage compatibility are not only less accurate in their communication than other couples, and these couples are less aware of this uncertainty.

In a scientific study conducted on 118 married couples, it was found that spouses value their own behavior more positively than their partner's. It has been found that partners tend to be very subjective and somewhat hostile in distressed couples regarding more serious power struggles and conflicts.

Power struggles and conflicts may escalate if at least one of the couples has a deeply entrenched need to blame. Some couples think that there should never be conflicts in Family-Marriage and that every mistake is a failure for them. However, the important point is not whether to experience a Power war and conflict, but whether it is overcome constructively or destructively when there is a Power war and conflict.

On the other hand, there are certain rules that spouses have to agree on in the Family-Marriage process. For example, who will do what work and to what extent? Who will set the budget? Distribution of duties, child care and child education, relations with relatives, etc. Spouses have to come to an agreement on these points. At this point, whether couples are aware of it or not, the issue that they disagree the most is which of the spouses will take the original root family as an exemplary model in the newly established family. Although this issue often runs unconsciously between spouses, it always has the potential to cause trouble for the couple. Who will decide who is close relatives and friends? Who will set the limits? And who will rule whom? Who will set the rules and what rules will be made?

What concerns couples and family-Marriage therapists most about rules is the question of who sets the rules, rather than what rules are to be made. In short, in Family-Marriage, couples have to come to an agreement in many such cases. As such, it is inevitable and natural for couples to have disagreements on some issues, to experience power struggles and conflicts.

When a certain problem arises in the couple relationship, certain rules are formed. The first of these is the rules that the spouses can discuss openly. For example, the man may meet up with his boyfriends several times a month and come home late. The second is the rules that the spouses cannot talk about openly. For example, the husband's wife's opinion on important matters, etc. The third rule is the rules that the spouses do not accept. This third rule can only be observed by an outside observer. For example, the husband pretending that he has the right to constantly attack his wife…

Power struggles and conflicts in family-marriage can also be seen as 'sexual rape'. Studies have shown that violent husbands have more sexual intercourse than others, and some of these sexual relations are forced. One of the strongest predictors of a woman's general fear of intimacy is being forced into sexual intercourse. If women draw attention to rapes, they fear being beaten, their children becoming aware of sexual violence, or relinquishing their spousal duty to serve their husbands' sexual needs. That's why they hide sexual violence.

Women generally evaluate violence as 'physical'; however, it is clear that economic, psychological and sexual violence is also effective. It is thought that, together with the power and dominance that our culture gives to men, the fact that they are working makes men more entitled to have a say in the home. The man's inability to meet the needs of the house causes the woman to consent to the negative behaviors of the man. In this sense, an important reason for violence is the lack of income. Studies have shown that women who are economically below a certain social level are more victims of physical-sexual-economic and psychological violence.

It is seen that the man's family, especially his mother, contributes to the intervention of family relations in acts of violence. As mother-in-law, the woman wants to establish authority over the bride, and this is done through her son. While there is no problem between men and women under normal conditions, acts of violence also occur with the influence and contribution of mother-in-law. In a sense, the mother-in-law does not want to share her son. He wants to continue this cultural relationship that has been transferred from generation to generation, which he sees as power authority from his own family structure. It is seen that violence is applied to women in the name of honor both in terms of controlling women and protecting the current situation.

Power struggles and conflicts between spouses in a Family-Marriage relationship can arise from an almost endless number of reasons. In this article, rather than reviewing all these reasons, the main reasons for power struggle and conflict that can be observed in all cultures are emphasized. If You want to detect problems in your own relationship, you must have a family-marriage check-up test.

As a universal rule, there are some rules that these people have to follow when two people get married, regardless of culture. Spouses have to deal with the problem of mixing and kneading these rules mutually and who should determine these rules.